Walking With Teenagers.

It's been so long since I've been on here, as life has been a giant whirlwind of...well, just life!  School, teenagers, illness, and that's just the tip of the iceberg, really.

Honestly, the kinds of transitions that have been in our lives has sometimes taken me completely off guard.  It's also helped know what areas I need to focus on.  Mostly just my family.  The Farmcastle is a beast in itself that I've been able to focus on properly, and what that looks like is very slowly but securely coming into focus.

The kids...gosh, the kids are just so gosh darn busy.  The Snape is absorbed in work.  Me, I'm just trying to get well after bouts of several serious illness that knocked me off my feet.  Most of it was just about more than I could handle.  But, all of it has simplified life.  And thank goodness.

The creativity of the kids is something we are absorbing ourselves with. It's a beautiful outlet in their world, when the outside world that seems out of control.  Teaching them (and myself!) to realize all they have control over is their own actions, that they can't take on the responsibility of anybody's decisions but their own.  This is a challenge.  But if they can leave this house and begin their own lives knowing this, they will have a confidence that will help me breathe as they take those steps into the unknown.  Scary?  Oh man.  But, they need to know that they are trusted and loved, and respected.




Raising kids. (Deep breath.)  Having teenagers is a whole different kind of challenge.  Sometimes they are just giant cocktails of hormones, and that encompasses a managerie of out of control emotions.  Anger, depression, anxiety, etc.  But they're becoming who they are, and it's an incredible experience to get to walk along side them as they are testing thier feet through trial and error. Lots of times I just have to clench my cheeks and pray really, really hard just so I don't try and rule over them, make their own choices for them.  Two of our kids are going into their senior year of school. Two are finishing middle school (the armpit of childhood, such a hard time of life, bless them.)  At the end of the day my mind is just blown at how fast it all goes.  I had no idea it would go at this pace.

So, balance, balance, balance in my own life is the key right now.  Being rooted in spirituality. I've sheared off a lot of outside responsibilities that have helped me be more aware of what's going on with my kids.  Communication is absolutely what's saved us all.  We talk, well, mostly they talk and I do a lot of listening and then encouraging.  There's trust.  I see other people who don't have this closeness with their kids and it makes me sad and scared for them.  Their kids are running away from them, looking for a close relationship from other places.  I thank God for the good sense he's given me just to shut my mouth and hear them.  Understand through the situations, drama, and feelings to see beneath the surface. Some times I have absolutely no flipping idea what to even say, but I think most times I don't have to.  They just need to verbally process and know they can safely without being preached to.  I've also sought out awesome people who have a LOT of wisdom in quiet strength who have raised kids,  who are kind and compassionate yet firm in who they are.  That helps me breathe.

Taking life a day at a time right now is the goal.  Sometimes moment to moment.  I don't live in fear, and it's okay to say that sometimes 'I don't know.'  We walk together.  I think really, in the reality of the the every day, that's all anyone can do.  They get to the age where you can't just be the boss.  You have to be ready to wear all kinds of hats.  I know everything that goes on with my kids, because they trust me with the information.  As I mentioned, sometimes it's all I can do to just run away and scream or beat up my poor innocent couch.  But, wouldn't you rather know everything than have one preaching moment where they shut themselves off from the real struggles?  Having teenagers is real life purgatory,  where you are seriously cleansed of a lot of your own opinions and perspectives, and forced to see things from people's views completely different than your own. Our kids aren't clones.  They're people with their own walk, their own minds that won't be ours.  It's how I really understand what grace is.

Not that you can't have boundaries in your family.  Those are needed.  But those boundaries will only cause resentment if there's not a relationship between a kid and parent.  If there isn't trust between you, they won't trust you with diddly.  Period.